Monday, June 28, 2010

Etc Etc.

That's when you know. When the smallest bone in your body feels like a spiral fracture, that's when you know. When you look over your calloused hands at the end of the day. When you pick at the blackened mulch of dirty and oil underneath your fingernail only to have it seven fold the next evening. That's when you know.
What is it that consumes you? Is it your life? Or what you do in your life? After years of waiting to get to where you want to be, are you all that you hoped you'd be? There are times when you realize"hey, I'm still young. I shouldn't be feeling like this" and you want to get out an explore the world, and that is when the small fracture in that minuscule bone spreads to dislocated vertebra. Or severe head trauma capable of leaving you in position where sympathy is given to you just because you cant keep your jaw closed long enough to with hold the copious amount of saliva seeping down the side of your chin. That is when you know you are undoubtedly. Well. Fucked. When you realize that what your life is about is what is controlling the life you want. When you realize that what you are and who you want to be have somehow gotten pushed head first into the log trimmer and the reciprocating blades in the metal tunnel tore the two ideas to shreds and pieced them back together on the other end. Only your head is your ass and your ass is you knee. What do you do about it? You pick out the blackened sludge under your finger nails, file down your callouses and do it all again. Only this time with the hope that the following day will be different. not that I'm trying to be pessimistic or critical of everything. But you better buy a value pack of files, and an over stock of toothpicks, because the sludge is getting thicker and before you know it that callous is your sixth finger.

One day. Maybe.

You will clip the finger nails.
Wear a pair of gloves.
And change what you call your life.
If you cant seem to be pleased when you look your name up in the dictionary. Maybe its time you put out a revision and change something. Otherwise people will forever see your name in the definition of miserable.

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