Monday, June 28, 2010

The Land Between

The air is still, yet the hairs of my body move in the tiniest, sporadic motions. I suppose it's the sway. Suspending in time, yet still in motion, the thought process begins.

I begin to traverse the corridors and various rooms in the over grown, constantly- until now, expanding warehouse. This isn't how I thought it'd be. Walking from room to room, rummaging through the various boxes both old and new, some of them barely holding together and the contents of which are deteriorating. No matter, i still of the ability to piece most of the fragments back together and have a vague understanding of what it once was. As I come across the more recent, pristine boxes, I can barely stand to crack the seal of the container without falling apart myself..... I know there was a reason I refused to open it. Every room contains different boxes of various nature but still correlating to the purpose of the room.

Some I don't mind so much, such as spending countless hours with my closest friends both pre and post marriage or perhaps the many times
I would stay up late watching my favorite movies with the company of the fore-mentioned individuals, or be relentlessly tickled by my uncle, the times i spent in Delaware with my oldest brother or when my sister was ready and willing to fight for me at any given time and even the times just sitting and drinking far more than I should have with my middle brother.

Those are some of the older cases. There are also the ones that I refuse to open but
what is the point now? It's not as if I will get another opportunity to view such unique relics, even if I wished they weren't so. The shattered pieces of a mirror, with faces of a million same, the ones whom I'd never be able to look on again. It isn't something I'd like to see right now. More and more boxes and cases and containers.

One I swore never to open again. His face along with their faces, the words that were spoken and long forgotten are now etched into the frame.
I wish more than anything to burn this entire room to a mere pile of ashes and stand in the middle of the flames with a smile of accomplishment as the room falls apart. But things just never go the way you want them to do they?

The minuscule breeze created only by the movement of the sway is dwindling as I become truly suspended, motionless and and content. It's hard to put into words something like this. Most would probably frown upon what I have done and tell me I was wrong in doing so and that I am doing more harm than good.... but they aren't in my shoes and nor have they lived a single solitary moment of my life. If I could make a deal with God to trade our places, you might understand.

I take a sat in the main corridor of the warehouse, thinking back on the rooms I had just visited. The ghosts and apparitions begin to cloud my vision, walking back and forth paying no mind to me, their creator, sitting in the middle of the dirty, dimly lit hall. It's almost amusing watching them go about their business as if they have a future.

One by one in slow succession the rooms are liquidated and emptied and the lights of each is switched off. I won't try to hide it. I'm smiling. I am also hurting, hurting
because there is an empty room, just ahead of me, the last door on the right.

The light of which has never been turned on in my life, nor has anything ever been moved into it.
It's virginity was never removed. It ever fulfilled its intended purpose or filled with what I wanted to store of all. I smile as I watch the apparitions slowly fade and reveal an empty space as if they never existed but with but with each glance at the empty room my heart grows numb and laden with hurt that there were never and will never be a ghost to haunt its space.

The breeze has a faded now. The sway has ceased and the bright light of the halogen bulb is twinkling in my's not that bright anymore, if anything it seems to be fading in relationship to the little bit of me that is slowly slipping away. It's okay, I'm okay. This is what I want, this is all i have. I am content.

still sitting in the expanse of the walkway, the final room is emptied and its ghost fades. The light in the door way has gone off and one by one with an elctro-mechanical thud of a sound, rows of industrial lights hanging over head go out.

I am alone, in the dark.

I am alone under the flickering light.

So as I stand to walk through what was once my own personal storage space I realize it is nothing more than a vast expanse of emptiness and a void abyss.It's funny how
"why" you tried to escape is what you become after the cross-over. Empty, void and blackened....alone to wander until something new comes around.

I've stopped moving and I see the last flicker of the halogen lamp fade to black as I exhale and relax and become one with what I am to be. One with what you will never know until you to have stepped beyond the void and crossed the barrier between your life and it's after.


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