Monday, June 28, 2010


Standing there, alone and confused, I wasn't sure what to think.

God this water used to be so cold

I was scared. I almost died here once before ya know...I wasn't sure if it were possible to be here again, but I figured after some time, the old water had washed away, this was all new....different. I wondered what it would be like to try again.

Three steps forward and the sand went from the massaging dry granules to the deep sulky mush of wet sea bed.

The cool salty water receded and flooded in again. With each new tide, a new thought, a new anxiety or a new fear. I had thought about it once or twice before. Just run and see where it takes me. The tide that is.

The warm water recedes again.

Maybe if I could catch a glimpse of my life and where it will be in a year, the next rolling tide would hold more comfort.

The tide came in again, and the anxiety with it.


The tide receded.

I felt good, despite the anxieties of the future and the frustrations of the day, I felt good. I liked it. It was the best I had felt the entire day, granted it was merely half over and any number of things could subsequently happen later to obliterate this feeling, or enhance it, at the time, I felt good.

The tide in its ever so punctual timing rolled its way over my ankles once again. The warm water felt like a blanket slowly being pulled over my legs.

I like this. It's comforting.

The way I saw it, if I were to see the future, it'd ruin half the fun but maybe save a lot of trouble and pain. But who's to say there would be pain involved? It was one of those times I wish there were a way to reach inside of my head as if it were a piece of machinery and remove the cogs turning the wheel to thoughts like that.

No, no, no too soon come back!

I suppose by now you can figure out that the tide had receded taking its comfort along with it, I wasn't ready for that to happen. I needed more time with it. It's one of those bitter sweet things you have no control over and can't do anything to make it last longer.

I'm wasting my time

Clock work, just like g*d damn clock work..

The tide was back, and to my bewilderment brings twice the soothing warmth that had its infamous habit of snaking along my ankles. I figured this is what the life of a river tree must be like. Nothing but standing here having one of the most powerful forces of nature - water, gently slither its way around you in the most gentle of ways.

Not this time..

And like that the tide was gone; it's little teases of joy snaking away in the infinite.
And I was no longer happy with my serendipitous moments of joy, I ran leaving my 'comfort zone' as some call it, chasing blindly something that almost killed me the last time I was here. But as the undertow took me along for a ride the feelings of comfort, warmth, serenity and total content surrounded me. The tease of a blanket I had felt around my ankles had now covered me from head to toe, I was impervious to the fear and anxieties I remembered.

I was comfortable. And that's all anyone really needs isn't it, to be comfortable in the given situations at hand. Finding the comfort; however, I've learned takes steps and risks into something you're scared of. Hmm, it turned out for the better this time.

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